


Psychedelic Activity

by ScullyGolightly



Category: The X-Files
Genre: AU Babylon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, Episode: s10e05 Babylon, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 08:39:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12055320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScullyGolightly/pseuds/ScullyGolightly
Summary: This is quite ridiculous. I wanted to do something totally different than Babylon, so this is an AU of it. The break-up never happened because that's fucking dumb. The Muslims aren't terrorists because that's fucking racist. Einstein is not awful because why? Reyes isn't a traitor because obviously.





	Psychedelic Activity

**Author's Note:**

> It was difficult to write something that's kind of out there and maybe a little bit OOC, but, really, what's the harm in some frivolous fun, right?

“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” she whispered.

 

“You’re getting ballsy in your old age, Scully.”

 

She scrunched her nose, mostly at the old age comment, and partly at the ballsy one. “C’mon, we have to catch up to them.” The two agents hurried down the hospital corridor towards the exit.

 

They had just interviewed one of the witnesses who had been in the group that had heard the trumpets. The young man claimed that the noise left a ringing in his ears that had persisted for days after the event. Shiraz was very responsive and patient as they questioned him even though the incessant chiming was clearly distracting, in addition to the stress of his mother lying unconscious in a coma.

 

The “earwitnesses,” as Mulder had called them, were the friends and family gathered around Noora Bashir, who had suffered a stroke the week prior. When they heard the trumpets, Shiraz had recalled, Noora had opened her eyes and her monitor had shown an increase in her heart rate.

 

Agent Miller had received the case and convinced his cynical partner to enlist the help of the X-Files team, which had recently been reinstated into the FBI. Having followed Mulder and Scully’s work, Miller was eager to share the supernatural case and see how they operated. The case was hardly one for the FBI, but a nurse at the hospital claimed that the Bashir family had ties to a Muslim terrorist group. Clearly she was ignorant and racist, but hospital administration had to take her accusations seriously. It was the trumpets that had piqued his interest, and he had a feeling Mulder and Scully would be interested, as well.  

 

He saw similarities between them and himself and Agent Einstein. Not the romantic bit, of course. Einstein had been in a committed relationship since they were first assigned to each other. Her girlfriend was a sarcastic, but kind woman who ran her family’s funeral home. Claire and Miller had become fast friends, harmlessly commiserating over Einstein’s uptight ways. Einstein joked that they would gang up on her, but she enjoyed Miller’s company outside of the Bureau, and was happy that her life partner and work partner got along so easily.

 

She had pretended to be annoyed when Miller suggested they bring in Mulder and Scully on this case, but secretly she was thrilled. She had followed Scully’s career and even considered her a role model. The integrity she must have to apply science day in and day out to outlandish theories was admirable. Not to mention the older woman was incredibly attractive, and Einstein had a thing for redheads, which was odd since she was one herself. Claire was a redhead, too. She would never betray her girlfriend’s trust, but she could innocently indulge herself in working alongside a smart and beautiful woman. No harm in that.

 

Einstein had played up her skepticism for Scully’s benefit. When the agents met to discuss the case, Einstein was a bit taken aback being in Scully’s presence. How was this woman 52 years old? She should be so lucky to age so fantastically. She glanced over at Miller and saw that he was practically drooling over Agent Mulder, and here she was fawning over Scully. What a pathetic pair they made. They would have to be more professional than this if they were all going to work together.

 

“How long does it take to kick in?” Scully asked.

 

“About twenty minutes, I think.”

 

“We should have them go ahead to the station so we can be by Noora once they take effect,” said Scully. “I cannot believe we’re doing this,” she continued, groaning. “This is so unprofessional and, frankly, irresponsible.”

 

“Well, too late now,” Mulder smirked.

 

Mulder had been flattered at Miller’s request to work with them. This case had no legal basis, and he was positive it wouldn’t lead to any nefarious terrorist groups. The trumpets aspect fascinated him, as did the physical reaction of the comatose woman. The fact that the witnesses were Muslim and the trumpet phenomenon being of Christian lore was curious, as well. He had happily taken the case once Scully acquiesced. It was the perfect instance to try out an experimental technique about which he had been reading.

 

Scully, not surprisingly, scoffed at his idea to use Psilocybe Tampanensis, the so-called Magic Mushroom, to attempt to communicate with Noora. But, his enthusiasm got the best of her, as she was finding it was more and more often as of late.

 

Their life had become somewhat boring. She was working long hours at the hospital and Mulder would hide away to write his books. She had been yearning for a change when the opportunity to reopen the X-Files had come up. It was her that had convinced Mulder to come back to the FBI.

 

It had been the perfect antidote to their mutual burn-out. They investigated their cases with an eagerness of spirit that had lain dormant in them for too many years. Scully felt renewed, revitalized, and she saw that Mulder felt it, too. They truly were reliving their glory days minus the sexual frustration and constant sorrow.

 

“Miller, Einstein, why don’t you take the car to the station. Scully and I are going to hang around to see if we can speak with the nurse.”

 

The young agents nodded and got in the rental car. Scully and Mulder headed back to the hospital. Mulder put his hand to Scully’s lower back as they went through the door.

 

“They’re really cute,” Miller mused. Einstein smiled in agreement.

 

***

 

“Feel anything?”

 

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

 

They sat across from each other at a table in the hospital cafeteria.

 

“Have you ever done psychedelics before?” Scully asked.

 

Mulder shook his head. “Nah. I was already too out there. It didn’t seem like a good idea.”

 

“Smart,” Scully said, grinning. She admired his features. He was still so good looking. A few lines on his face were evidence of his age, but youthfulness glimmered in his eyes. She watched him take a sip from his water bottle and saw his hand leave a fuzzy trail in its wake. “Uh, Mulder?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I just saw your hand make the atmosphere all wavy.”

 

He moved his hand in front of his face. “Whoa. I see it, too.” Mulder leaned in and studied Scully. “Your hair. It’s getting redder. More red. And it’s moving. It’s like lava. This is pretty cool.”

 

“Lava is hot, Mulder. Not cool,” Scully said, seriously. Mulder looked back at her with wide eyes, and then they both burst into laughter. People milling around turned and stared at them. Mulder’s shoulders were shaking with silent laughter, as Scully’s cackling sounds filled the room. Mulder fought to compose himself as he saw that they were drawing attention.

 

“Scully, Scully, shhh.”

 

She took a deep breath and wiped the corners of her eyes. “Oh dear. This was a bad idea,” she said, stifling a giggle.

 

“We should go up to Noora. See if we can talk to her.”

 

“Okay, but, can you help me out of this chair? Is there a seatbelt?”

 

Mulder pushed air out of his nose in amusement. “Seatbelt? What the fuck, Scully?”

 

She shrugged her shoulders at him and the giggles started again.

 

“Come on, Spooky, let’s go,” he said as he coaxed her into a standing position. His use of their unique term of endearment extended her laughter.

 

He managed to get them into the elevator, but once the doors closed, Scully laid down on the floor.

 

“I just need to be still for a second.”

 

Mulder nodded. He stood with his hands on his hips and watched the numbers light up overhead. The 2 lit up and then the 10, and the 3 flashed in a sequence of rainbow colors. In reality, none of the numbers were lit because he hadn't pushed the button. The doors slid open. A nurse, waiting for the elevator, leaned in.

 

“Oh gosh! Is she okay?” she said, indicating Scully.

 

“She just needs to be still for a second.”

 

“Okay,” she said, quizzically. “Going up?”

 

“I don’t know. What floor is this?” Mulder asked.

 

“The first floor.” the nurse said, impatiently. She put her foot out to stop the elevator door from closing again.

 

“Scully, you’re not going to believe this!”

 

Scully moaned from her spot on the ground.

 

“We are back where we started!”

 

“We time traveled?” Scully asked, weakly.

 

“I’ll...take the stairs,” said the nurse, glancing around for security.

 

“Tell the stairs I said ‘hi!’” Scully called out as the doors shut again.

 

“That was sweet, Scully. You’re such a nice person.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I try,” she muttered, struggling to stand. Mulder finally pushed the button and the elevator ascended.

 

They stumbled out to the fourth floor hallway, laughing like a couple of drunk teenagers. “Do you remember the room number?” Scully managed.

 

“What room?”

 

Scully keeled over with peels of laughter. “I...don’t...know,” she squeaked out.

 

They wandered the hallway, peeking in doors for any clue to remind them of their supposed mission. Shiraz was seated in a chair outside of his mother’s room. He got up when he saw Mulder and Scully.

 

“Ah, Agent Mulder, Agent Scully. Can you stay with my mom while I go make a phone call? I can’t seem to get reception in here.”

 

Mulder and Scully both straightened up and tried to appear lucid.

 

“Yes. Yes. Yes. We can do that. Yes, siree,” Scully said, affecting a deep voice, brow furrowed in an attempt to look serious. Mulder nodded his head, vigorously.

 

Shiraz was unable to hear her well, so he said “Thank you,” and went down the hall.

 

“Scully! I remember. Noora! We need to talk to her.”

 

“Oh, yeah!”

 

They entered the room, and Scully climbed right into the bed with Noora, cuddling up to her left side. Mulder went into a trance staring at the heart rate machine.

 

***

 

Miller and Einstein were going through files of terrorist reports that the local PD had compiled for them. It was tedious, and they both knew it was pointless. Miller’s cell phone rang.

 

“Miller.”

 

“Hi, Agent Miller, this is Agent Monica Reyes. I’ve been trying to contact Mulder and Scully, but my calls are going straight to voicemail.”

 

“We’re in Dallas on a case.”

 

“Yes, I know. I, uh, they asked me to check in with them because, well, um...I’m just supposed to check in with them,” Reyes stammered.

 

“They’re at the hospital getting witness statements. Is there anything we should know about?”

 

“I-- I think, maybe, you should go check on them,” she said, nervously. She wasn’t sure how much she should give away. Reyes knew Mulder’s plan was precarious at best, but she had procured the mushrooms for them anyway. She kept waiting for Scully’s sense to override his idiotic idea, but it never came. Shocked and amused she told them to use her as a life line, and that she would be calling them to check in. She hadn’t prepared for circumstances where they became unreachable.

 

“Okay, will do,” he assured her. He hung up and looked at Einstein. “That was odd. That was Agent Reyes. She said we should go check on Mulder and Scully.”

 

“Monica Reyes?”

 

“Yeah. Weird, right?”

 

“Yeah,” she responded. “Well, anything to get out of this bullshit. Let’s go see what’s going on.”

 

***

 

They arrived at the hospital and went straight to Noora’s room. Shiraz was sitting in a chair beside her bed, reading a magazine.

 

“Have Agents Mulder and Scully been here recently?” Einstein shouted.

 

“Yes, they were here. They stayed with her while I went out to make a phone call. When I got back, they left,” he informed. “I don’t know if it was because I couldn’t hear them well, but they seemed to be acting strange.”

 

“Strange how?” Einstein asked.

 

“They seemed, I don’t know," he said and paused. “Silly?”

 

“Silly?” said Miller, glancing at his partner. She looked back, mirroring his alarmed confusion.

 

“Do you know where they went?”

 

“No. I’m sorry.”

 

They went out to the nurse’s station down the hall.

 

“Have you seen any agents come out of that room,” Miller asked, pointing to Noora’s.

 

“No, I haven’t. Sorry,” the nurse answered.

 

The agents sighed, both at a loss.

 

An orderly approached the desk. “Sharon, that supply closet is locked. Do you have a key?”

 

“I didn’t even know that it could lock. We don’t have the key here, at least not that I know of,” said Sharon.

 

“Weird. I’ll go down to two and see if that’s open.” He left, and the nurse resumed her paperwork.

 

Einstein and Miller gave each other an intuitive glance. Einstein tilted her head toward the supply closet, and Miller nodded.

 

They could hear sounds behind the door as they got closer. It was muffled and indiscernible, so they put their ears to the door. Einstein tried the knob which was, in fact, locked.

 

“Oh my God, Scull-eeeee,” came from the other side of the door. Both Miller and Einstein’s eyes went wide.

 

“Fuck me, Spooky!” Scully exclaimed.

 

Miller’s face turned a deep shade of red, and Einstein covered her mouth in shock. They both knew they shouldn’t just stand there listening, but they were unable to move away, frozen in utter disbelief.

 

“Wooow, you are so wet. Oh my God, it’s like fucking a waterslide,” Mulder speculated.

 

“Yeah, Mulder, fuck my waterslide. Fuck. My. Waterslide,” she wailed.

 

Miller mouthed, “Waterslide?” to Einstein, and she bit back a chuckle and shook her head, bemusedly baffled.

 

“They sound high as shit,” she whispered. Miller nodded.

 

Moaning from both Mulder and Scully emanated through the door. “Scully, damn it, stop morphing.”

 

“I’m not,” she replied.

 

“Yes, you are. Right there! You have an alien head. Oh, no, wait, it’s gone.”

 

“My head is gone?” she asked, worried.

 

“No, it’s back. Just stop morphing, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“They’re tripping their balls off. What the fuck,” Miller snickered. Einstein laughed, and pulled Miller away from the door.

 

“We should not be listening to this,” she said.

 

They stood down the hall a ways and kept an eye on the door. “Do you think they took something? Or were they drugged?” Miller wondered.

 

“I don’t know. This is fucking bizarre, man.”

 

Inside the cramped supply room, Mulder had Scully pinned up against the shelving unit with his own throbbing unit impaling her. Scully’s skirt was scrunched up around her waist and her panties were shoved down around her thighs just enough for Mulder to access her with his cock. Her shirt was unbuttoned and her bra was wedged under her tits. They bounced in Mulder's face as he drove into her, repeatedly. He stopped his pumping when Scully erupted in a fit of giggles.

 

“Your giggles are pinching me down there, Scully.”

 

“I feel like we’ve been orgasming for, like, a year. This is nuts,” she laughed. She rubbed her palms over his nipples inside his shirt and then rubbed her own breasts to compare. 

 

“Oh yeah, say ‘nuts’ again,” he said, resuming his thrusts.

 

“Nuts, nutsssss,” she hissed in his ear.

 

“Yesss, now say ‘sunflower seeds.’”

 

“Sun-uhhn-uhhn-fff--” Scully grunted as her climax finally, blissfully, peaked.

 

Einstein jumped when she heard the shriek from the closet. Miller looked around for anyone who might have heard it as well. Luckily, this area of the hospital was empty.

 

“This is insane,” he said.

 

Einstein looked at him, mouth agape, at a total loss for words.

 

After some time, Mulder and Scully tumbled out of the supply room with just a minor look of dishevelment. They looked happy to see the other agents, and showed no sign of embarrassment.

 

“Agents! Special, special agents. Hello,” Mulder greeted them, affectionately.

 

“Hello Agent Mulder,” Einstein said, cautiously.

 

“Well!” Mulder clapped his hands together. “We have solved the case!”

 

“You have?”

 

“Scully and I had a chat with Noora, and she had quite a bit to say about that nurse.”

 

“You spoke to...to Noora? The woman in the coma?” questioned Einstein.

 

Mulder reached into his coat pocket and took out a crumpled piece of paper. He handed it to her. Einstein smoothed it out, eyeing the two of them, skeptically. Miller peered over her shoulder and they both read what was on the note paper.

 

“This is...I don’t know what this is, but we need follow up on it,” said Einstein, looking back at Miller. He shrugged.

 

As they left the hospital, Miller pulled his phone out to call the field office for back-up. The information Mulder had claimed he got from Noora was the location of a white supremacist compound.

 

“You guys are going to have to stay here. You’re in no condition to help raid this place if it is what you say it is,” Einstein told them. She patted Scully’s blazer pockets and located her phone. “Here, call Agent Reyes. She knows about you guys being weird, for some reason.”

 

“Monny!” Scully squealed with excitement. “My whale sounds sweetie!”

 

“Yeah...okaaay,” Einstein said. “Can you call her? Can you do that for me, Agent Scully?” she said, speaking to her like she would a child.

 

“Oh yes, ma’am,” she affirmed.

 

Mulder put his arm around Scully and waved goodbye to the agents as they got in the car.

 

“Have fun storming the castle!” he yelled, causing them both to double over in hysterical laughter.

 

Einstein and Miller both pursed their lips to prevent themselves from laughing, too.

 

***

 

The four of them sat in the diner, plates empty and bellies full.

 

“I feel like I’m almost back to reality,” Scully said. “Edges are still fuzzy, but my head feels clear.”

 

“Me too,” Mulder agreed. “It felt good to eat.”

 

“I still don’t understand how the trumpets fit into all of this,” Einstein pondered.

 

“Some things are better left unexplained, Agent Einstein,” Scully said with a knowing smile. She nudged Mulder's leg with her foot under the table, and saw him grin in her peripheral.

 

Miller’s phone rang inside his pocket. He looked at the screen, which had “AD Skinner” across it.

 

“Miller,” he answered. “Yes sir. The information was correct. Mmhmm. Arrests were made by the local PD. Uh-huh. The nurse was charged, as well.” He listened for a moment and then glanced at Mulder and Scully. “Yes, they’re here, sir. Okay, I’ll let them know. Okay. Thank you, sir.” He ended the call.

 

“Dude, you guys are in trooouble,” he teased.

 

Mulder chuckled. “But we solved the case. We shut down a dangerous terrorist group,” he reasoned.

 

“Shit, Mulder,” Scully said, nervously.

 

“Ah, Scully, it’ll be fine.” He wrapped an arm around her and gently jostled her shoulder. “I’ve done worse. Remember the Bermuda Triangle?”

 

Scully rolled her eyes and groaned.

 

Miller looked like a kid excited for storytime. “Bermuda Triangle?”

 

Einstein and Scully met each other’s eyes and shook their heads in mock annoyance.

 

“So I went looking for a ghost ship,” Mulder began.

 

The End

 

 

Epilogue:

 

Miller drove with Einstein in the passenger seat and Mulder and Scully in the back. The sky was just starting to darken as they headed toward DFW.

 

“Hey, Mulder, look!” Scully said, pointing out the window. “A waterslide park!”

 

They fell into each other as a seemingly endless supply of giggles overtook them again. Miller and Einstein looked at each other. They felt like parents on a road trip with a pair of rowdy kids in the back. Mulder and Scully’s laughter became contagious, and soon they all were howling.

**Author's Note:**

> Reading about people having sex whilst tripping on shrooms was super entertaining. Google it sometime if you're bored.


End file.
